Forgive us for forgetting the blog... we've, uh, been busy!
I’m sitting here on the eve of my daughter’s first birthday,
just reminiscing. It’s been a fast year,
but a great year! Looking back at
pictures from the past twelve months, it’s amazing how big she is today, how
much she has learned. Her little
personality is definitely coming out (stubborn like her mama, loves carbs like
her papa). And I may be biased, but she
is one cute kid. I never knew you could
love this much.
What some people know and many others don’t is that Madelyn
Brooke Henson was a challenge to bring into this world. She is, put simply, a miracle. She is a gift from God, given to us at the
end of some very challenging years. We
have friends who endured worse problems than us having a baby, and we've read
the stories of those without a happy ending.
This, however, is our story, and I hope it may help someone else who is in
the place we were just a few years ago.
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| Before it all began... |
It was almost four years ago now that we decided to expand
our family from two to three. We were
both working, had bought a home, paid off everything but our house and student
loans, and had enjoyed a nice couple of years as a married couple without
kids. It was the spring of 2009, and so
our journey began. A year quickly passed
without two blue lines on a stick, and frustration set in. Brooke’s doctor recommended the normal fertility
tests, which we passed, so we tried the baby-maker drug Clomid (yeah, the one
that could give you twins or more… little scary). Nothing. Nada. Frustrated.
Our friends were having kids, we weren't getting younger,
and if you know anything about me and Brooke, you know when we set our minds to
something we want it! So in the fall of
2010 we ended up at Nashville Fertility Center with Dr. George Hill. We had a routine first meeting to talk about
our history and what we thought was a routine ultrasound. It was at this routine visit that we found a
big reason why we had failed to get pregnant – severe endometriosis. Like, real severe. Like, when the fertility doctor says it’s
bad, you know it’s bad.
But – there was hope.
Dr. Hill felt that with a small operation on Brooke, we
could increase our chances of getting pregnant.
I’m sure Brooke would argue it was no walk in the park, but in September
of 2010 she had it done. And so our
journey continued with renewed hope. And
it was just weeks later that we found out the surgery was indeed successful. Brooke woke me up early in the morning to
show me what we had never seen before – a positive pregnancy test!
Life was amazing. All
I could think about was pending parenthood.
Baby names. Poopy diapers. Tiny flip-flops. We somehow made it through Thanksgiving
without telling a soul, because we wanted to be sure this was it before a big,
shocking announcement. We started
planning how to tell everyone at Christmas and made our first doctor’s
appointment. A year and a half later, we
were pregnant!
If you've ever experienced a miscarriage, you know it’s not
something you really want to relive. So,
I won’t. But know that on December 3rd,
2010, I went through the worst day of my entire life. As a husband, being in that situation is a
helpless feeling. You can do nothing,
and I mean nothing, but offer support for your wife. You can pray, you can hold her, you can
cry. But you can do nothing to fix
it. After a year and a half wait, we
were back to square one and holding heavy hearts.
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| This is the hospital clock winding down on December 3rd... good riddance. |
I know there is one angel in Heaven that I can’t wait to
meet…
The next spring, two years into our journey and a heartache
later, we returned to Dr. Hill for guidance.
He suggested an IUI procedure for our case before we jumped to something
that we could not afford – in vitro fertilization or IVF. The IUI would not be cheap, but we could
manage it. He only suggested three
rounds, three shots at it, before statistics showed it was not wise to continue. With hope, but skepticism, we started our
treatments.
The first round was not a success. The second round was… not a success. We drove back and forth to Nashville more
times than I can count. I know the route
to Centennial Medical Center rather well, if you need directions. By the time we hit the third round, we had
zero expectations. Maybe you need that
sometimes, I don’t know. But we had
decided this was it – we needed a break.
Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually.
We needed time to heal and think, and in the back of my mind I think I
was already there.
So, round three came and went and it looked to be
unsuccessful yet again. I remember
unloading in the Campus Rec Center parking lot on my friend Dave on a Friday
night, angry at everything. Why had God
abandoned me? Us? We were good people, right? Why were we being punished? If everything happens for a reason, what’s
the reason? Neither Brooke nor I could
understand – but it was time to take a break.
That God. He’ll get
you every time.
Maybe He did it to teach me a lesson. He heard my cries, and like Jim Carrey in Bruce
Almighty, he went all Morgan Freeman on me and made me feel guilty. I’d stayed so faithful until that Friday
night when I had the nerve to QUESTION God’s reasons for our infertility, and
the next morning Brooke showed me a positive pregnancy test. Have you ever been punched with
humility? I have, and it hurts.
But – we were pregnant again! Only this time we weren't picking names out,
we were terrified! December was fresh in
our minds, what if it happened again? No
shocking announcements this time, we told our family and close friends
immediately, asked them to start praying for the speck of life inside my
wife. We knew right away that it would
not be an easy nine months for us, but we had faith that God had brought us
this far, we just had to trust Him.
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| One of our first looks at her! |
We were right; it was not an easy pregnancy. In July we rushed from a cookout we were
hosting to the hospital, fearful that some bleeding was a repeat of December. We saw our baby’s heartbeat that night, a
strong, fast little beat. Despite the
emergency, all was still well. Brooke
endured kidney stones and gestational diabetes, but she was growing a healthy
little baby still. All the way to the
delivery room, nothing went “normal” for us.
We had painted a room, put together furniture, and stocked up on diapers
– all that was missing was the baby.
Three years after deciding to have one, a little over a year
removed from losing one, and a thousand tears of frustration later… I heard my
baby cry. She was really gross at the
time, for those who only see babies born on television. It’s not a pretty process at all,
really. But for us, it was the most
beautiful moment in time to see our little girl in our world. Within minutes of being born, she stuck out
her bottom lip and gave us one heck of a pouty face. She wasn't happy to be out of her warm, cozy
home – but we would change her mind.
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| First Henson family picture! |
Nowadays she is just the happiest baby. She loves Cheerios and cartoons. She is on the cusp of walking and one heck of
a fast crawler. She has a ticklish neck
and feet, along with a great laugh. Her favorite
pastime is removing every book from the bookshelf in the living room. And tomorrow she’ll no longer be Baby Maddie –
she’ll be one. A toddler. Pretty soon she’ll be driving and I’ll have
to begin implanting GPA devices into her dates so I can track them down
easier. I already own a shotgun at
least.
I thank God every day for our miracle. There were times we faced the real
possibility that she would never exist, and who knows if it is in the plan for
a sibling! What we do know is God has a
reason for everything, and there is a reason we went through our trials. There is a reason He gave us this baby. And there is a special reason that she is on
this Earth, and I’m sure we’ll find out what that is when He is ready to tell
us. In the meantime, I’m going to give
my Maddie a bunch of cake for her birthday, spoil her rotten, and show her so
much love that her cup will runneth over.
I pray for everyone out there who wants a child and can’t
have one – keep the faith, it’s in His hands!
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| Can't get enough of this smile! |
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